step thirteen

stay focused on your goal, and who truly supports your success.

i am always saddened, again, when i notice that those who say they support us often really only want to encourage us to make us feel better for the time being, but actually want to help us be okay with staying small, letting a dream stay a dream, not working towards making it true.

although i see this happen often, i am still surprised to see that so many people that claim solidarity will be the first to tell me “you can’t” or “you shouldn’t” or “don’t expect”, followed by a lot of limiting beliefs sold as common truths.

the incorrigible part of me wants to believe that everyone is like those resting-in-themselves genuinely confident types who are doing well in business and beyond, and who are constantly evolving and growing. as a reminder to myself and you: haters happen. and they happen disguised as friends, relatives, teachers, mentors, supporters, even fans.

stick to the ones who always leave you more sure of your success, more confident in your abilities, and more grateful for how far you’ve come. those who slow you down just don’t want to put in the work, and your success is going to make them look & feel bad.

strangers might surprise you. they often have a lot less of an agenda. and if all fails, work with a life coach. a coach’s interest is you, your goal, how to address those things gently that have held you back but that you didn’t want to address. a coach holds space for you, a coach’s questions allow you to dig deeper and unearth those lies you’ve been telling yourself about why you can’t succeed, all those excuses that are just keeping you tied to the past. a coach can help you package that, put it behind you, and propel you forward.

focus on thoughts, action steps, and people who truly support you and who want you to do well for your sake, no other reason.

step eight

try something new every week.

that’s 52 new things in a year. here are some thoughts:

~ try hotsprings. a two-week east-west road trip left my butt triangular and my back sore.  the picture above is at mystic hotsprings in monroe, utah – a fabulous place for more than bathing. the accupressure chair massage i got from tammy, the therapist on site, immediately took the edge off my pain (but my behind retained the subaru-seat induced pie-shape). although i loved the property at mystic, where the hotsprings have shaped the rock formations in a unique way i have not seen elsewhere, i preferred a little less exposed setting. tammy recommended a few stops on the way to oregon and i tried a total of three different springs. it felt amazing, light, i slept better than ever, and if you’ve never tried hotsprings, go ahead – tell ’em your coach said you had to.

~ try… a new restaurant, a new dish, a new spice, a new drink, a new fruit.

~ look up medicinal plants that grow wild in your area and harvest what you can. in alaska, i loved picking fireweed shoots and young lambs-quarters or dandelions for salad greens. there is a powerful plant that belongs to the ginseng family, devil’s club, whose shoots in early may are the only tender thing about them to harvest and eat (watch out for the spiny stalks and leaf edges, the pulverized root of the plant is the only remedy for the rash they induce), so try something wild like that.

~ try dancing. learn how. if you know how, learn a new step. or dance in reverse. film it.

~ look at the “word of the year” … in different languages. try using them in a sentence.

~ draw, paint, do a paint-awake workshop.

~ absolutely try speed-dating. even if you are in a relationship. bring your partner. set an intention not to fight, regardless how it goes.

~ stretch. hit that spot of discomfort. sit with that for a bit. should i give an example? i don’t like elevators. for many reasons, but let’s just say it is a place that i would not choose to be in. so on some days, i know i have gotten complacent and too comfortable. enter the elevator. if it is time to stretch myself, i will go in. if it is time to face the fear, i just remind myself of how good it feels to know that panic subsides if i just wait a while, because the body simply won’t be able to sustain that state of high fear for longer than 20 minutes. once i come back outside, i have more sense of accomplishment than washing windows or vacuuming a whole day. those of you who are passionate about clean windows and carpets will be able to relate.

~ try a new road to work or to the store.

~ get a library card and check out a book. you’ll be surprised how much has changed in the last seven years.

~ pay for someone else’s cake pop at starbucks.

~ read E2 by Pam Grout.

~ part your hair on the other side, or do a comb-over. if you have children or grandchildren, give them a brush and a comb, and some water in a spray bottle, and let them practice how to be stylist on you. artistic selfies afterwards. which reminds me:

~if you haven’t yet, get an instagram account.

~check out new apps. try some of the virtual reality ones (e.g. Within-VR) and build your own 3-d-viewer, or assemble a google cardboard (good luck with that).  i got my first at TEDxBuffalo, which was a fabulous experience altogether, which reminds me:

~find a TEDx event near you and go. it will change your life.

~ …

keep going. you got this.

step seven

it’s all about choice.

every day, each moment, you choose how you show up.

free will allows you to choose whether to react, or to respond.

are you mindful and reflective? will you decide to stay relaxed as the day unfolds?

would you choose to trust that you are where you are supposed to be in your journey?

i find that the older i get, the less there is a need to prove my point. instead, there is a desire to satisfy my curiosity.

it wasn’t age that brought me there. i tried many things to worry less. chanting nam yo ho renge kyo helped for a while, just like reading “begin with yes”. trying something new every day for a week, and then every week for three months.

the more i focused on learning, being curious, discovering the world and people around me, the more relaxed i became.   this might be a natural occurrence as we mature.  but we all know that energy of people who worry, regardless what age.

we don’t need to change them.

we can choose to accept their energetic choice, and love from a distance. or simply allow them to be who they choose to be.

life isn’t all sunsets and summer breezes, gentle snowflakes and female rain.

life is a shitstorm sometimes. cold, wet blizzards are part of the experience. powerlessness, literal and figurative, happens to maintain balance, and keep life interesting. no need to love it, but you grow stronger when you allow it.

why?

because as an observer, an allower, you realize it can’t touch your essence.

your essence is safe, and it is your essence that propels you to follow your heart forward.

all a matter of free will. such a beautiful thing.

note: the image depicting evangola beach at sunset was used for another article on my coaching website, thekiline.com. all rights reserved.

 

step six

a motto someone shared with me many years ago, “ki-lined”:

prepare for the toughest outcome.

expect little, if you must expect anything at all.

hope for the best. and more: hope for everything.

if you prepare for “the worst that can happen”, and you can see that you will still make it through, you can relax.

if you expect little, if you are not attached to the outcome at all, you can relax a bit more.

if you can hope for everything, you can step into each day with a chance of joy, and contentment.

step five

have you noticed that some people, some news outlets, some shows, some businesses are barraging us with worst case scenarios?

if we can choose to look at any situation from more than one perspective, what makes us decide to see the worst, what makes us see the best?

both viewpoints can be useful. the worst case scenario can prompt us to prepare well, the best case scenario can show us opportunity.

today, be encouraged to take a closer look to see what else is there.

and if the day, or your screen, or your to do list, or the person next to you just look glum, try another filter. stand on your head, flip the script.

you might just be inspired.

step four

when you feel confused, check in with your heart.

where is it? don’t let your thoughts tell you. instead, breathe, and follow your breath down into your lungs. feel your heart beat, use your hand if you need to. feel into this beat. feel into this rhythm. what is it telling you?

keep your heart light. its only job is to beat. drop all the thoughts that make your heart heavy, even if only for a few hours. let your heart carry you, and hold it safe in return.

step three

when our routine is interrupted, we tend to react. many make the mistake and overreact.  many feel an overwhelming fear that this is “the end” of life. but it is only the end of life as we know it. everything flows.

don’t allow fear to cloud your vision.

be still. feel your roots. breathe in deeply and exhale fully. three times.

assess the situation. what is really there? what do you have, what do you need? take a moment to write it down.

be careful with the answer to the last question.

what do you really need?  are you sure?

then, draw lines between what you have and what you need. re-arrange the list if you have to.

the needs that are not met? circle the most important one. take one small step to take you there.

done. simple.