step thirteen

stay focused on your goal, and who truly supports your success.

i am always saddened, again, when i notice that those who say they support us often really only want to encourage us to make us feel better for the time being, but actually want to help us be okay with staying small, letting a dream stay a dream, not working towards making it true.

although i see this happen often, i am still surprised to see that so many people that claim solidarity will be the first to tell me “you can’t” or “you shouldn’t” or “don’t expect”, followed by a lot of limiting beliefs sold as common truths.

the incorrigible part of me wants to believe that everyone is like those resting-in-themselves genuinely confident types who are doing well in business and beyond, and who are constantly evolving and growing. as a reminder to myself and you: haters happen. and they happen disguised as friends, relatives, teachers, mentors, supporters, even fans.

stick to the ones who always leave you more sure of your success, more confident in your abilities, and more grateful for how far you’ve come. those who slow you down just don’t want to put in the work, and your success is going to make them look & feel bad.

strangers might surprise you. they often have a lot less of an agenda. and if all fails, work with a life coach. a coach’s interest is you, your goal, how to address those things gently that have held you back but that you didn’t want to address. a coach holds space for you, a coach’s questions allow you to dig deeper and unearth those lies you’ve been telling yourself about why you can’t succeed, all those excuses that are just keeping you tied to the past. a coach can help you package that, put it behind you, and propel you forward.

focus on thoughts, action steps, and people who truly support you and who want you to do well for your sake, no other reason.

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step nine

today’s step is all about the odds and the haters, loud ignorance and subtle sabotage when you go for your purpose in life, when you create a reality that matches your vision for yourself.

grit is something you either have, or something you create for yourself. it’s not about not caring, or selfishly steamrolling those around you. it’s about caring a lot less about what others think of you. care less about whether they like you or approve of your dreams and goals. care less about the labels they give you. do they support you? great. do they ridicule you? also great. both are more of a reflection of how they view the world, than of how you truly are. both reactions of others to what you are doing can work for you, if you have grit. grit is a choice. growth is a choice. resilience is a choice.

if how others react to you hurts, dig deeper. what hurts the most? what is this pain teaching you about yourself? what can you learn from it? what is really going on here?

if other people’s reaction to you is making you feel awesome, notice what it is that creates that feeling. a beautiful soul mentioned in conversation the other day how she was taught to “notice what you are noticing”. pay attention to what you see. if bliss is all you see, it is because your heart and mind are open to seeing. if hurt is all you feel, it is because your heart and mind are open to hurt more than to the gift that comes from the experience.

so what’s the worst that can happen? what’s the worst anyone can do if you wear something, say something, or do something others disapprove of? just think about it. sh!t happens to all of us. mistakes are made by everyone. so: get your grit on!

grow, regardless what others are saying or thinking. give what feels good to give.

be resilient through obstacles, resist ignorance. respect your experience and that of others. respect the life force in every thing, no matter what name you give it.

inculcate yourself with intelligence.  intelligence of the mind brings clarity of vision, intelligence of your heart feeds intuition.  honor what you know, honor what your elders know. intelligence will allow you to be creative with your dream, your goal, your purpose, tweak it, enhance it, re-design it.

t is for tenacious, trust and tender.  yes, grit has to have a soft belly of tenderness. otherwise, grit gets brittle and you’ll break the last teeth you’re left with on it. not worth it!  a tenacious you sticks to your goals. a tenacious you is loyal to your values. the tenacious you is determined, won’t be dispelled or disenchanted. the tenacious you will make it through!

trust that. trust the journey. trust the life force. trust the source energy. trust the laws of balance and of averages. the choice is yours.

lastly, be tender to your soul. gently embrace that original faith you came here with. the knowledge that you have a place here. you belong here. you will find your tribe. as grit keeps you going, lean into tenderness, lean into the soft belly of your vulnerability. tenderness and vulnerability keep you flexible. grit will protect you, and vulnerability will connect you.

now you go and shine!